Well, some of you might remember me saying that there was a game changer coming up. I think it's time to tell you. It's taken me some time to decide on it, but with that time and plenty of prayer, it seems like the proper choice to make.
I've signed up for Bethel service again.
Now slow down, don't get your pages wrinkled. I know this is not the type of thing to broadcast to the world, and that most brothers or sisters will keep it to themselves instead of mentioning that they applied to something. In fact, that is what I did last time.
This time, however, I wanted it to be different. Let me give some explanations.
Why share this with readers so early on?I want to share it with my readers this time. I can foresee a number of benefits from this. Maybe there are some readers out there that are also waiting for something to happen, either an application to be accepted, a goal to be reached, a trial to be over, or whatever. Any number of things, really. I can completely understand the feelings behind so many reasons to wait. So writing down this reason to wait can build a bridge between myself and some of my readers, and give some common ground for us to stand on. Maybe by being with me as I wait through this will help some of you, as I am sure that it will help me.
What if I am not accepted? All the more so, then, to share. Overcoming disappointed hopes, recognizing that perhaps what we had in mind wasn't what Jehovah had in mind, being willing to make adjustments, being willing to be as Jeremiah was and be molded in the hands of the Potter, Jehovah...All of this will be included in the experience if I am NOT accepted to Bethel, just as it would be included in many other times of life where waiting is required.
Why sign up for Bethel again?It's time. I have seen many different parts of the world so far, all in Jehovah's service. But the time is coming for me to stop bouncing around every 6 months, and to establish myself more long term. Find a place for my roots to really grow. Does this mean that I am giving up on need greating? Not in the slightest way. My long term goal is a life of constant need greating where ever Jehovah will allow me. It is simply time to move out and on. Thus, I am faced with the choice.
In that choice, there is a strong underlay of aspects to be considered. Why move on? With what expectations? What goals? What resolve have I built with which to sustain myself?
At this point in my life, I feel the need to establish my heart stronger with Jehovah so that I do not slip into 'everyday life' syndrome. This means not having the best job, not having a pimped out Jeep (that I would so desperately love), not buying the latest from Sony, Nintendo, or Microsoft, not seeking out a small cabin in the mountains of Alaska, etc etc. Instead, this means setting my heart and eyes on something of a much higher value. One of the best ways to do that at this moment would be to completely immerse myself in Jehovah's service. Bethel. If not accepted, then I will apply again, find a place to serve in need greating more long term, and continue to wait. Either way, my need greating isn't over, and neither is my blogging. (Oh yeah, I guess that also means you can read about my experiences if I DO get accepted, too!)
Why did you ever leave Bethel to begin with, if only to attempt to go back?Honestly, immaturity and fear. Yes, there were a lot of things at home that I wanted to try and assist with, but it falls down ultimately to a naive sense of my own worth. Coming from a large family that has many special needs children, there are many different responsibilities that need taken care of. Considering that I was raised in such a situation, it is my realm, it is my normal. It is my typical. Bethel was so different from that, and I daily listened to the problems mount and build back home. After a year, I went home with the thought that I could solve the problems, with an ever present fear of being out of my own comfort zone for much longer.
While I don't regret being of service to my family, and my loyalty has not waned with even the variation of a shadow, things are different the second time around. Elements that prevented a great many experiences are recently removed. With the removal, a sea of possibility was set before me. It is a daunting feeling, knowing that what controlled every aspect of my life for 25 years is suddenly removed. A frightening sense of freedom, of a lack of what chains I would call normal, of nothing to tether me. It is a terrifying experience, suddenly faced with nothing but myself as company.
While I am still home for the time being, the door has been opened, and I never even knew there was a possibility to go through it, as I expected this element to haunt me till Armageddon. Now it is gone, and this open door of opportunity invites me. I must choose to go or to stay.
I choose to go.
Thus, ends this post. Questions are invited. Comments are most welcome. Both are encouraged.
Ps. Let's have a little feed back from the readers, alright? I know a number of you had guesses on what the game changer was, right? Well leave a comment and tell us what you thought it was! If you were right, you can have some digital cookies!
Pss. This is my 100th post!