Tuesday, January 17, 2012

In Transit to Italy- On The Plane

Here I am, sitting in my row of the airplane. Its no big deal, but they changed my seat from an isle seat, so now I'm in the middle of two strangers. Not the worse thing in the world, right? Its like I get two new friends for the next few hours! All I have to do is keep my legs tightly tucked and my elbows touching the whole time, seeing as those in economy class such as myself are viewed as a little lower than rats, crawling from our sewers of low income in order to inconvenience the fat cats sitting towards the front of the plane.
I wonder whats up there ? I tried looking up over the seats towards the front of the plane, my little head peaking out of row 299 through a haze of sweat, but the front of the plane is so far away...I think I can see a mirage. Plus, the flight attendant threw a high heel at me as soon as my head poked up. Kinda like whack-a-me. Good thing I have such good reflexes.

Alright now I'm just bored. And hungry. Wait! Is that?? In the distance... It is!
Praise Jah here comes the food cart! I love this part, its like the messengers of all that is worth living for in this world! I wonder what they're serving?
Here's the food announcement:
"Yes, for first class today we're serving a lovely BLT with pasta salad and your choice of high quality wine and cheese or a freshly picked fruit platter. Later they can enjoy warm bread with a variety of jams and butter, coupled with imported desserts from the Orients and Eastern Europe.
For coach class, we found a few sandwiches that the flight attendant's children forgot to bring to school today, so we will be throwing them out for the passengers to fight over. To aid you in your fighting for a sandwich, we can supply various items to be used as weapons, such as a Lego, a healthy dose of garlic to induce foul breath, a small child, a spoonful of wasabi (spoon not included), apple headphones, an apple core, a horseshoe, an icecube, a comb and rubberband combo, or a spork. For drinks, coach passengers are free to lick any condensation off of the windows.
Thank you, first class friends. Please do not hesitate to ask if anything should be needed, and remember that professional massages will be offered shortly.  Please enjoy your flight, friends. We love you."

Meanwhile in coach they give us coloring books and a crayon, like we're a bunch of colorblind preschoolers with a short attention--ooh mine is blue!
It is surprisingly difficult to draw while in the middle. Hard to do anything, really. My elbows are touching as I try to manipulate my tiny fork from my plate into my mouth, so I have to figure out how to stretch my tongue out to lap up my meager meal.  Found that with practice I am able to put a crayon between my elbows and scribble something that resembles the ancient cave drawings. Imagine a cross between those and Picasso's work. Yep.

Well that about wraps this post up. I'll let you in on the details as they unfold. Bye!



  1. I hope you got those headphones. Ice cubes make horrible weapons

  2. I'd go for the small child as a weapon. They can be mean (but nimble). You're bigger than him so you can take the food away.

  3. BWAAHAHA!!! *tears streaming from the guttural pain of laughing too hard* I am at a loss for words! Except that, I would go with lego, garlic, or wasabi ( *`ω´) . No, I will not say how or why I would use those, although the child one is a pretty good one too. Regardless, hilarious entry!

  4. Cam- Ask my sister, she might disagree.
    Jenny- That's low, Jenny. Appropriate, but low!
    Nautica- Glad you liked it! I'd use a lego, maybe. I've stepped on those bad boys, and all I can say is OW.

  5. Sorry I'm so late catching up with your latest adventure. I've had to pick myself up off the floor after laughing hysterically at your airplane experience. I will continue reading :-)