Friday, December 24, 2010

Africa- Childhood's End

I am not King David. 
I am not Samson, neither am I Abraham.
I cannot fell enemies by the tens of thousands, and I cannot tear lions in two. Neither am I a sterling example of faith and dependence on Jehovah.
No, I am something else entirely. I am Trevor, and no one else.
However, for the first time in this short life I've been given, I am confident. Not in Trevor, nor in the mentioned characters of history's tale. I am confident in Jehovah.
My name is Trevor, and I will not let the pages of my history write themselves any longer. Now, I have begun to write my own page, my own story. From ashes I've been taken, and from the pit I've been saved. Placed on my feet, I start to walk on my own with my God, my Father. Hand in hand, I have begun to learn what it means for Trevor to walk with Jehovah, no one in my stead.
No matter how gradual, no matter how painful, this is the start of childhood's end, where a boy learns to become a man and learns to walk on his own with his God.

Long story, trust me. If it doesn't make sense, then that's ok. It makes perfect sense to Trevor. That's me.

I'll be completely honest, here, Africa can be rough territory. Not the field, thats fine. I mean that Africa can pack a very strong dropkick to the face when you're least expecting it. One moment, you're rocking the field and having a wonderful time, and then the next you're hiding under your blankets waiting for the scary sun to go away. At least, that was the case with me. For some unexplainable reason, I went through a funk of epic proportions. Honestly, I don't think I've had such a hard time being happy and finding joy as those...what, two weeks? Sure, two weeks isn't really much to some, but those weeks hit suddenly and HARD. I went to bed happy and zealous, and woke up terrified and miserable. Strange, right?
Ok, so for two weeks I suffered, trying everything known to man, and a few things known only to llamas. (why is llama spelled with two 'l's?) I've not had to fight so hard gives me a whole new respect for those that suffer from depression. Depression doesn't need reasons or logic. It just saps you of life, whether you like it or not. Its an actual mental illness. Ok, TOTALLY off topic.
So, to ensure that this post goes in a positive light and to let you know that things are good in Trevor land, let me finish. SO there I was, fighting for my life in the heart of Africa, surrounded by 'different' and separated from everything I find comfortable and familiar. Then, like a holy ball of heavenly light, I woke up one day and felt just a sliver better than I did. That's when I felt it was time to heal and finally beat this enemy that invaded my mind and heart. Prayers in my head and resolve in my hand, I started to get better. It took about a week to get rid of it completely, but I am finally full throttle and port side. Now, I have that adventurous spirit back, and even the worst of what Africa has to offer has little affect on me. I have a new mentality, and strength of mind. Bethel started it, and Africa is filling it out. With this new strength Jehovah has enabled me to find, I'm able to achieve new victories in my own way. Recently I had an amazing call, Fred, I'm sure you know him if you read that last post. My confidence in Africa has skyrocketed, which enables me to do SO much more with the brothers. (its amazing how confidence hampers or drives you) You know what is written at the start of this post? It is hard to explain, but that is my best attempt at telling you what is going on in my head. I've finally started to feel as though I am living Trevor's life in Jehovah's service, and no longer being raised by my hometown and home congregation.
I almost broke here in Africa, I won't lie. But, if you asked me if I'd take it back, what do you think I would say?
I needed to fall into the depths of despair so that I could learn to find Jehovah's hand on my own. Before, it was always other people who found it for me. The pages of my history are being written by me now. My book of my history will tell of a time when the world was collapsing, spirit forces were warring, and the fabric of everything mankind had ever known was about to shatter. It will tell of a time when everything ended with a climatic war of all that is holy against all that is evil. When all has occurred, and the world reshaped, I'll always remember back to a time when we defied all odds and survived the destruction of the world because of the power of our God.
Until then, the pages continue to turn. Friends come, friends go. Enemies rise, and enemies fall. New chapters start, and old ones are remembered. Come what may, I write this on my own, now. Someday, I'll have a compliment to both me and my pages, but for now it is Trevor and his God. I could not be happier with what Jehovah has given me. Thank you, Jehovah, my Father and Friend.

Ps. I put up a youtube to show you some of the things going on here. Its got a few vids of where I am staying and the places around there, so check it out if you want. Its in the links at the top of the page. On the right.
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Calling all Need Greaters!
All those that want to at least give Africa a try, have no fear! Jehovah causes paths to form from wastelands, and wall-like-obstacles to fall like Jericho! Are you a Need Greater? Do you want to BE a Need Greater? Do you want excitement and adventure while serving Jehovah and friends around the globe? Africa can fill all such needs and wants, and the blessings Jehovah extends are innumerable and priceless! Out goes the call to those that would throw their trust in Jehovah and 'step into Macedonia'! Pray, sleep, then pray again, and email me for more information. It is surprisingly easy to do, trust me. I've done it.


  1. The way you speak is encouraging brother. thank you for writing your thoughts. I myself am still pulling myself out of the rim of the pit of despair that is depression, and it's nice(but sad) to know I'm not the only one. Can't explain why but I got hit hard about 2 weeks ago with a dark cloud that wouldn't seem to remove itself from my view of a positive attitude. Sometimes there's no reason for it aside as you said(other than medical reasons), but what a help Jehovah is in the matter, when you give it to him to take care of. Nothing helps like losing yourself in personal study, meditation and most especially prayer to Jehovah. Talking to, and emptying your heart to Jehovah is one of the only true comforts in this world. Depression once before took me to a place I'll never venture to again, nearly ruined my relationships with nearly everyone, but once again(as always), Jehovah showed me the way out of darkness. I really appreciate one's experiences such as yourself, it makes me want ever more so to focus on my own ministry, seeing how much of yourself you've put into yours, and the benefits Jehovah has blessed you with. Keep writing, keep encouraging, and keep on serving Jehovah with this wonderful organization we are in the midst of. Your Spiritual Brother, Ben

  2. Some how I can relate to the battle........ Thanks chevah!!

  3. Benjamin, thanks. I know better than ever before what you mean, and my empathy has turned into sympathy. In all honesty, I would not have made it out if Jehovah I had not found His hand. Depression has no bars, and no limitations. None, that is, other than Jehovah. So yes, personal study is invaluable. Prayer as well, and then seeing what he has to say in His word. Then, there are practical steps as well. I think you overestimate me, but I do really appreciate what you said. I mean, I really appreciate it.
    Friend and Brother,

    Zech, It is a battle, isn't it? You know, I'm happier every day to be in it, though. And for the side that I've chosen! :] Thanks for the comment!

  4. Well Trevor I am not going to lie it scared me to death that you were going there. I knew Jehovah would take care of you but I also felt like I knew you and thought... does Trevor know what he is really getting himself into? Well it seems like it hit you in the face then hit agian but now you finally realize the strength you have always had. When I first met you I knew you had that strength and love for Jehovah but didn't know why you didn't see it in yourself. I am so glad that you have trusted in Jehovah and are really able to see that he is holding your hand in your assignment. Don't cut yourself short though you say need greating is easy but very few people can make the leap of going somewhere they barely know and trust everything will work out. You have an inner courage that many people dream of. It is an honor to have such a good friend doing so much in Jehovah's service. Keep up the good work.

  5. Amen. To your post, to the comments. We all hit ruts sooner or later. But be assured that you did as Prov. 24:13 says. What you're doing is commendable and brings praise to Jehovah. While you're over there, remember that Isaiah 43:4 also expresses how Jehovah feels about you. It sounds like you're building on qualities through experience, which is something that can't be bought, and isn't an inheritance. がんばってね!You're in our prayers!

  6. Trevor, I was deeply moved by your honest and intensely personal thoughts--and honored that you would choose to share them. You find yourself in good company in the experience you found yourself in recently--just think of Moses and Jeremiah for example, they felt discouraged, depressed, inadequate and alone at times, but Jehovah reassured them of his love and ability to give them what they lacked. As for modern examples, over the years I've read many thoughts of missionaries in the field, who upon actually coming to the assignment they had eagerly prepared for and awaited, pulled the covers over their heads, burst into tears, and thought they would never survive. One sister decided to go home before they even arrived at the missionary home the day they landed. She told her husband there was no way she was staying and he'd better be prepared to take her home tomorrow! By the way, she is still in her assignment 18 years later.

    What you have learned is that you are like the rest of us, part of the imperfect human race :-) What I admire greatly about your spirit is that you have seen first hand that Jehovah becomes whatever it is we need him to become, takes us by the hand and says " I will never allow my righteous ones to totter". I'm sure there have already been times in your life that you've seen this, but perhaps to a smaller degree; now you've learned what James meant when he said that our trials and tribulations when met with faith work out endurance. You have allowed potential stumbling blocks to become stepping stones instead; this will serve you well throughout your life.

    You have experienced what some people never learn in an entire lifetime--that the most precious relationship in life is the one we have with our Creator and you have learned to treasure it for yourself, not because someone else has told you to value it.

    You remain in our hearts and prayers here in Florida as you continue your journey in Jehovah's service; you now know for a certainty that it will always bring you joy and satisfaction.

    PS-Just make sure to watch out for the mrs. piggies out there :-)

  7. I appreciated dsc's comment very much. It is very true and truly encouraging. I think it's what I've been coming to understand a little more deeply now too. Thank you dsc!