Today, I'm having a little miniature celebration for my 2 month anniversary. Sure, its just me and Soda, (the cat. No, not "kat', those are the evil ones) but still there is no one else around that would want to have a 2 month celebration with me. What? So I like to do weird things, sue me.
Ok, here we go. Learn From My Fail, a list of many of the fails that I've experienced in the short time I've been in Africa, served with a side of awesome. Enjoy!
- If you know that a certain African person is prone to 'spit talking', never laugh with your mouth open around them. Learn From My Fail.
- If you think you know your way around the house well enough to navigate it in the dark, you don't. And you can't. You will end up drastically miscalculating the distance between your face and the wall, and have a large lump that will be noticed by many people. Learn From My Fail.
- I decided to walk to Kasusu and back the other day. Learn From My Fail. (Still waiting for the feeling to come back into my feet)
- You gain a new respect for the cleanliness and smell of a toilet when you visit one of the public toilets in Uganda. Learn From My Fail.
- Pants in America = Clothing for your legs. Pants in Uganda = Underwear. When in Uganda, never tell someone you like their pants unless you want things to get very awkward, very fast. Learn From My Fail.
- When staring at someone through the lenses of your reflective sunglasses so that they cannot see you looking at them, make sure that said sunglasses are not, in fact, resting on the top of your head instead of over your eyes where they belong. Fellow muzungus (no matter how cute they may be) do not like being stared at. Learn From My Fail.
- Don't put freshly purchased eggs in your backpack and think: "Meh, I can be careful enough, they won't break." You can't, and they will. You will have a very smooth, wet interior to your backpack, even if you swore the bag wasn't ripped. Learn From My Fail.
- If you think you're getting a sunburn, you are. Don't think you can take it, unless you like screaming like a little girl every time you move the next day, and have bright enough skin to light up the dark. Learn From My Fail.
- If you have an open and very small shower that you barely fit in, do not assume the 'extra water' sound is just an 'Africa' thing. Its not. You are actually unknowingly spilling water all over the bathroom floor because the curtain slipped out and is no longer confining the water to the shower. Learn From My Fail.
*Side point. Is it just me, or are snuggies just robes worn backwards?*
- If you feel so tired that you could fall asleep in a standing position, remember that you are with the person that takes FOREVER on each paragraph of the bible study and talks quiet and soft. You WILL fall asleep with your head back and mouth open, and you WILL look like a fool. Learn From My Fail.
- When a batch of Avocados is getting ripe, eat it. Otherwise it will get TOO ripe, you will forget about it, and the fruit fly version of a locust swarm will invade your kitchen. Learn From My Fail.
- When religiously using hand sanitizer because of the army of germs in Uganda, avoid wiping your eyes immediately after. Alcohol drops in the cornea hurts, bad. The upside is that your eyes are clean, even if you are blind. Learn From My Fail.
- When walking home alone in the dark in Africa, remember that Africans blend in so well with the dark that you won't see them walking towards you until you are nearly touching noses. You will scream when they suddenly appear from nothingness, and there will be a measure of distrust with them from that moment forward. Learn From My Fail.
- Never assume that Ugandans have a sense of personal space. They don't, and you will be very put off when they sit so close next to you it feels like they're sitting on your lap. Learn From My Fail.
- When taking a nap in shorts and no shirt, PLEASE remember that a sister is coming over to clean for the people you're housesitting for. She has the keys to the gate you locked. Learn From My Fail.
- If you forget about noodles cooking on the stove top, they will turn to snot. If said noodles turn to snot, throw them away, do not try and salvage them. They will feel like snot, and it will make you feel sick. Learn From My Fail.